Thursday, April 30, 2009
Why?
10:33 PM
Stay by me.
I need you.
I am falling.
I need your loving arms to cushion my fall.
I will accept everything with FAITH.
If you want to go on fighting
Please dun!
I beg you.
I dun want to hear screaming!!
I dun like cold wars.
Why cant u two just talk?
Why cant u two just forgive and forget.
21 years old marks the breaking of a family.
then I dun want to be 21 years old
I want to stay below that
i dun wan to be financial stable.
Please.
give me the peace at home
then i wont need to dread going home
dread always being stuck in the middle
always have to find a place to study excluding home
i cant solve the problem
PLEASE!!
STOP IT!!
stop making me feel like a USELESS being
that can only sob in the corner of the room
when i hear the conflicts happening.
Please make it STOP!!
I want to go back to the past
i want the happy days back!!
give them back to me!
WHY?
I JUST DUN UNDERSTAND!!!
CONFLICTS??
WHY DO U EXIST?
It is EASY to say GOODBYE!
i am going to LET GO.
But one thing I know
I am not the only for you,
but you are the only one for me.
Please dun let me see your face.
I will forget about letting go again
like i always do.
I MUST LET THINGS GO
THE WAY I LEFT IT!
Thursday, April 16, 2009
SHATTER WITH ME!!!
3:34 PM
Look up and look beside you.
YOU dun have to worry.
Cause he is always with YOU
WHERE EVER you are, HE will follow
your presence is so REAL.
THURSDAY is OVER!!!
FINALLY!!
now just ONE MORE DAY!!
I cannot WAIT!!!!
HAHAHAHAH
I need to sew my stitches AGAIN!!!
WHEN can I stop sewing that!!
HAHAHAHHA
Sit with me Sit by me.
We shall talk till there is nothing left to say
Hold my hand in yours
Look into my eyes
I want to admire you
I want to just sit next to you for the longest time.
this only happens in my sweetest dreams.
You feel so real
But when I am stepping out of the zone
you always push me back in
you seem different from what I thought you were
which is disappointing
like so what?
Its not like I can change anything
I think I dun want to open my mouth to say it.
Cause I WON'T
I dun dare to EVEN
seems like everyone has it
The fear of rejection
I cannot believe it.
I used to hate you.
BUT IT SEEMS different now.
I wish I could say it.
But I am scared
What if you never even thought of that before
then everything plus my heart will shatter
SHATTER WITH ME.
Monday, April 13, 2009
Bring me BACK!!!
4:43 PM
HEY HEY!!
I know I have not been BLOGGING
been REAL BUSY!!!
OKAY!!
FIRST OF ALL!
I need to complain about my VERY ANNOYING HANDPHONE!!!
ARGH!!
AHHH!!
It DIED on me!!
I can like no longer use it!!!
the keypad has some problem
that I cannot even press select, accept call or back??
OH MAN!!
I was so tempted to just throw it down from the 8-storey!!!
NOW I have to use the ARMY PHONE
the very LOUSY ONE
But I sort of found my previous phone
which features and functions are also VERY CRAPPY
OKAY!!
This few WEEKS were MADNESS
there is HAPPY STUFF and definitely sad ones too.
But I shall always look at the bright side
AND SMILE.
I can hardly remember what happened this week
ERR.
LAST week was PRETTY SHORT
cause there is only 4 SCHOOL DAYS.
So I guess it is a psychological thing
that everything seems SHORTER!!!!
WHICH is great of course!!
GOOD FRIDAY.
I managed to go to church in the MORNING!!!
for the EASTER SERVICE by Dr Ashley Crane
It was AWESOME!!
He focus on SON-SHIP with God
It was very INTERESTING!!
I felt the presence of God.
It was a very GREAT and ADDICTIVE feeling!!
I WANT MORE!!
SWEATY SATURDAY.
It was OKAY!!
Had tuition first
So didn't make it for the WHOLE thing
but MANAGED to leave early at 6
so make it from 6 to 7!!!
Suddenly ONE HOUR seems so PRECIOUS!
Then after service was CRAZINESS!!!
We were so ALIVE!!!
All the youths went CRAZY!!!
I guess maybe we were so BURNING for God
we were jumping, singing and just rejoicing GOD!!!
It was really DARK!!!
I can hardly see!!!
So I didn't really know where I was JUMPING!!!
HAHAHHAAH
It was like the only TIME
there was no SEPARATOR between the LADIES and the GENTLEMEN
We were like CROWDING like a CIRCLE
I think people might have thought we are CRAZY or something!!!
NOW, my legs HURTS very badly!!
I am like limping!!!
OH NO!!
My friend was like "JOLENE?? Why are u limping?? What happened??"
I said I jumped too MUCH
then my friend became so PUZZLED.
I think she is thinking why PEOPLE like me will JUMPED till they LIMP!
I was like sweating when we finally STOPPED the jumping
I think I stink can?
was LOOKING DESPERATELY for some DEODORANT
HAHAHAHAH
EASTER EXCEPTION
I also managed to come one SUNDAY
I guess ONLY this SUNDAY!!!
HAHAHAHAH
I must REALLY THANK GOD for helping me come for so MANY DAYS!!!
IT is like AMAZING!!!
What really STRUCK me was when he said
"Do not complain about what the devils are doing, but complain about what we are not doing for God."
I felt like God was telling me not to DWELL in there anymore.
It will never WORK
Dr Ashley Crane also mentioned that we must overcome the evil one and do not ALLOW the devils to steal my inheritances
It was really very ENCOURAGING!!!
I am so GLAD I came!!!
HAHAHAHAAH
Behind that CHEERFUL smile lies something totally different.
even after fitting yourself in.
U know U cant lie to yourself
YOU dont belong.
Somehow YOU just dun.
Those unknown faces confirm your thoughts
even people U once knew and talked to
no longer remembered YOU.
they gave YOU that cold look
that look really made YOU feel so cold.
WHY?
Why smile??
How can u still smile?
I really dunno how u do that.
Why are u hiding everything?
LET EVERYTHING OUT?
PLEASE?
I beg YOU!
I cannot take it ANYMORE.
How long do u want to HOLD ON
and PRETEND?
PRETEND that everything is FINE
and LAUGHED like u never LAUGHED before
I know you are trying to HIDE everything.
You just dun want anyone to KNOW!!!
Sometimes you can really LAUGHED like a CRAZY person
OTHER times u just do it to try to feel HAPPY again?
STOP PRETENDING JOLENE!!
It is not going to WORK
It used to.
BUT NOT ANYMORE!!
FIN by Anberlin ( the last PARAGRAPH)
Take what you will, what you will
And leave. Could you kill, could you kill me
If the world was on fire
And nothing was left but hope or desire
And take all that I could bring forth, is this hell
Or am I on the floor over-desperate?
Hold hands streaming of blood again?
And then take full weight of me
Guard my dreams, figure this out,
It's me on my own. Helpless, hurting, hell
Will you stay strong as you promised?
Cause I'm stranded and bare.
Meanness is washed up in all that I am
Is God. Take this and all,
Then grace takes me to a place
Of the father you never had
Ripping and breaking and tearing apart
This is not heaven
It's hell, my friend.
Thursday, April 9, 2009
4:11 PM
Saturday, April 4, 2009
WHAT a WEEK!!
11:52 PM
